Advice

To those ladies who’ve written in seeking advice, you will find the answers to your dilemmas here.

Is is inappropriate to flirt with multiple men from different areas? I am not in a relationship, but there are some men that will call to spend time with and flirt with more than others, even if they are from different towns.

I don’t think the location really makes a difference, and if it’s all in good fun, flirting is fine. However, if these guys aren’t aware that you aren’t seriously interested in them, I think that may be inappropriate. The flirting and intentions should be mutual, so I think it’s most important to make your intentions known and not to lead anyone on, and possibly not hurt anyone’s feelings. After that, I think it’s fair for you to do what you like. 

People are always telling me that I have a loud and obnoxious laugh. Should I try to tame it?

I think something like a laugh is going to be very hard to try and consciously control, so I’d suggest not bothering. Your laugh makes you unique. Sure, it may not be cute and delicate, but it’s a part of you are. Furthermore, I think it’s rude of someone to tell you that your laugh is obnoxious. 

I have a very good friend, I love her to bits but sometimes she can be just flat out rude! Is there any way to kindly tell her that she needs to work on her manners?

Some people might be touchy about such things, so it’s best to approach with caution. Firstly, make sure you talk to her privately - this way she won’t feel embarrassed and she’ll realise that this is a serious issue for you. Secondly, try not to make her feel attacked. So don’t say things like, ‘You’re really rude when you do this’ and instead rephrase it so it sounds less like she’s in the wrong. Say things like, ‘When you do this, I feel like this’. That way, you’ll make yourself personally connected and she’ll realise that her actions might be more hurtful than annoying. 

Finally, don’t mention other people. Mentioning other people suggests that you’ve been talking about her behind her back and she may feel ganged up on. Keep it between the two of you. 

I like this guy, but we aren’t really friends. The thing is he’s kind of a jock and has so many friends who are girls. I want him to notice me and maybe become friends and maybe something else eventually, but I don’t know what to do.

My advice would be to start off small. Try some small talk first. Maybe ask him about a class that you share, or ask him if he has plans for the weekend. Ask him if he heard about that earthquake that happened in New England, or something else that you can talk about. Eventually, the more you talk, the more you’ll get to know one another without being formal. See if you have anything in common or anything you can talk about. For instance, if he says that he’s going to see a certain concert one weekend, you can ask him more about the band that’s playing. Or maybe it’ll be a band that you like! Just be friendly and approachable and try not to be overbearing or like you’re forcing conversation. 

You’d be surprised how many people I’ve gotten to know that way, just because I sat next to them in one class. Oh, and remember to smile and be comfortable! Everything is only as awkward as you make it.

How do I act like a lady with my ex? He’ll come over every day and we’ll cuddle and act like we’re together. I always feel horrible and act out badly or just get bothered.

I think you have a couple of options: 1) you need to learn to deal with things as they are or, 2) you need to confront him. If you’re trapped in a relationship limbo, you need to discuss the issue with him and address whether or not you are a couple. If your relationship is over and you aren’t happy with how things are, you can only get back together or move on. 

Ask him how he feels about you and if he wants to start your relationship over or if it really is over for him. By leaning back on you and looking to you for affection, he’s preventing you from moving on with your life and forgetting about him, and if he has no interest in resuming an exclusive relationship, that isn’t very fair to you. So you should figure out what you want from the relationship and lay the cards on the table and explain to him exactly how you feel. 

I’ve been confused about who I am. Sometimes I just want to be an indie girl and smoke cigarettes and mess up my hair, but some days I wake up wanting to be a lady. Can you give some advice to help me figure out who I am?

I am able to connect with this issue, actually. I think it’s a woman’s prerogative to be who she wants and who she feels like being and she shouldn’t be afraid to switch it up. I’ll wake up some mornings feeling like a complete badass and I’ll pull on my black clothes and my leather boots, and some days I’ll wear a ruffled dress and flats. It’s all about feeling comfortable in your own skin and doing whatever you feel is right for you. 

As for being a lady, that shouldn’t ever conflict with whatever image you have. You can be an indie girl and still be a lady. Ultimately, it’s about class, courtesy, and confidence. So don’t ever apologise for being who you are. 

My ex has been bombarding me with hateful messages and I’ve been ignoring him, but he still manages to send me messages through different places. My question is how do I go about this with a lady approach?

I think that confrontation is best. Of course I don’t know the details of your situation, but I think you should make an attempt to calmly and confidently approach him and ask him to leave you alone. If his behaviour persists, or if his messages are in any way threatening or violent, tell someone. There is strength in numbers and maybe he will finally get the message to back off. 

If all else fails, try blocking his email/phone number/account, or even a restraining order.

What do you do when a girl is trying to steal your boyfriend, or is just plain mean?

I believe in killing people with kindness, but that’s always easier said than done. I myself am a very proud and temperamental person, but I find that if you ignore people who are mean and sever any ties with them, you will be a lot happier and you will also come out as the better person. Just because someone picks a fight with you doesn’t mean you should allow yourself to be provoked. Try to be as dignified as possible, so just act like an adult and try not to stoop to her level. 

As for any girls stealing your boyfriend, as long as you trust your boyfriend, you should have nothing to worry about. Keep in mind how silly this girl will seem if you ignore her taunting and if she will never be able to catch the boy that you have. So just smile and try not to worry. 

Do you have any advice to teach home wreckers?

While I think that it’s expected of me to put down ‘home wrecking’, I believe that each and every situation is unique. While some girls may only be interested in the drama, it’s possible that another girl may have genuine feelings for someone who just so happens to be in a relationship. In general, I believe that it always takes two to tango, and as long as you trust your boyfriend and he remains devoted to you, you will never have any reason to worry about someone else swooping in and taking him from you. 

I think that every lady should know her boundaries, but I also believe that a lady knows that a relationship is a partnership, and as long as it’s full of love and trust, there’s no reason to worry about outside parties.