Anonymous: this is not "to be lady" this is "my opinion of how to be a lady"

Well, yes - I thought that much was obvious.

rachelthehouseelf: I'm not defensive that you don't share my views, I'm concerned that you made a list of ways to act in order to be a "classy lady." and then, "..I’m no authority on being ...a gentleman, so it really wouldn’t be my place to tell gentlemen how they should behave. Furthermore, I don’t believe it’s a woman’s place to tell a man how he should be..." You're right, it's not your place to say how a man should be, nor women's, and nor are people "gentlemen" or ladies" just for acting a certain way.

Actually, I’ve grown tired of people telling me that they can act however way they want and they can still be considered ‘ladies’ and ‘gentlemen’, because, quite frankly, no you can’t.

‘Lady’ is not synonymous with ‘woman’, just as you wouldn’t call any man you see a gentleman. To say you can act however you want and still be considered a lady is like saying that anyone can be a ‘badass’. If you saw a man hit his girlfriend, or walk around with his pants hanging halfway to his knees, would you consider him a gentleman? Hardly. 

I do not consider people who are impolite or sloppy or inconsiderate ladies. To me, a woman who is courteous and put together, among other things, is a lady. And while it is perfectly fine if someone doesn’t want to be a lady, to say that you can act however you want and still be considered the dictionary definition of courtesy and decorum is entirely false.

So, yes, people are ladies and gentlemen just for acting a certain way. It’s exactly the same as if someone is an idiot for acting a certain way.

Anonymous: Sometimes I wonder if its worth being a lady because honestly, it seems most days the girls flashing their cleavage and just being "unladylike" seem to get all the guys. : C It is especially hard being in highschool, the things girls do here are very...different, not to mention I'm rather shy. Any advice?

My piece of advice to anyone who is facing a similar dilemma is to stop and reflect on this for a moment: if these boys are going around and chasing girls like that, would you even want their attention? Firstly, if you say you are rather shy, and these girls are going about ‘flashing their cleavage’, then clearly you are nothing alike - so would you be happy with a boy who finds the opposite of you so much more attractive? And secondly, these boys who are chasing around girls that act so inappropriately probably aren’t gems themselves. Someone worth your time would see beyond the cleavage, so you’re lucky to have these girls clearing the way for all those boys who would be much more deserving of your time and attention.

It may not seem like it now, but in the great scheme of things, high school is just a pit stop on the road, and no one’s going to remember who did or did not have a boyfriend. In any case, boys don’t provide happiness - you have the power to make yourself happy. I know that that may seem like unhelpful advice right now, but it really is the best I can do, and hopefully you’ll understand what I’m getting at. 

Being a lady isn’t some sort of cheat sheet to get the guys in high school to like you. But hopefully, down the road, you’ll find someone who appreciates you for who you are, a lady or not. And that is far more important than getting all the guys now. 

honest-honestea: Not to be mean, or rude but what does washing your face before going to sleep have to do with being a lady!?

A lady is always careful of her appearance and takes pride in the way she looks and in the way that she manages her appearance. She has healthy habits and takes great care of herself and her body. She does her best to be beautiful inside and out and makes sure to radiate health and beauty. 

Anonymous: You say, 'always look your best, you never know who you might run into' and ' always dress comfortably' . what if, what im wearing, thats comfortable to me, isnt my best look, how would you explain that?

I think comfort is, above all, most important. With comfort comes confidence, and with confidence you can make any outfit look like a million dollars. Of course it’s important to try and look put together whenever you can, but I understand that one can’t spend 20 minutes preparing to go out just to buy milk at the corner store. 

To my charming anons (or one very dedicated anon),

as endearing as your colourful vocabularies are, and as pressing as your concerns are, I am in fact beginning to lose my patience with your lack of originality and your hostility. As far as I know, I have never singled anyone out and put them down, nor have I acted negatively towards any one person or group. Therefore, I find all this hatred quite unnecessary and uncalled for. However, as you have taken the time to write to me, I feel that it is only fair that I address the most recent issues you have presented to me. 

no guy would want to date a woman who acts like this. all it does it make you look like a stuck up bitch. it’s not the 1950’s anymore

I’m sorry you feel this way, and you’re quite right - it isn’t the 1950s anymore. Therefore, I find it shocking that you are under the impression that I would be so concerned with attracting ‘guys’. I don’t behave respectably to attract men; I do it for myself. If I were to change myself, my manners, appearance, interests, and habits for the sole purpose of attracting suitors or a boyfriend, that would be very pathetic of me. Furthermore, doesn’t it make more sense to find someone who likes me for me, than to change myself for someone? Would I not be much happier that way? I would rather be forever alone for being myself than be flocked by a bunch of suitors for being who they think I should be. 

I will act in whichever way I choose and perhaps one day I’ll find someone who appreciates me for the way I act and it is that person, and not you, that I am hoping to meet. Sorry to disappoint.

DO YOU HONESTLY THINK WOMEN TODAY GIVE A FUCK IF IT’S CONSIDERED ‘ETIQUETTE’ OR ‘LADYLIKE’ JESUS CHRIST WE DO WHAT WE HAVE TO TO GET THROUGH THE DAY AND IF THAT TWISTS YOUR BLOOMERS TOO BAD

Who ever mentioned anything about twisting my bloomers? I encourage my followers to act in whatever way they wish, whether that follows or goes against my beliefs. If you disagree with me, and I have had many brave followers admit it when they do, I don’t get upset or angry. It is a lady’s choice to be whoever she wishes to be and I have absolutely no right to judge her for that. It is not my business, nor of my concern, how you or anyone else acts. I think it is in fact you who has their bloomers in a twist.

And I believe that there are girls and women out there who share my beliefs, just as there are those who will share yours so, yes, I do honestly think women today give a fuck if it’s considered ‘etiquette’ or ‘ladylike’.

this blog is just ridiculous. telling women or young girls they should restrict themselves or be a certain way to be considered proper or beautiful or whatever the fuck this blog is trying to portray is wrong.

Seeing as you’re not exactly sure what this blog is trying to portray, perhaps you aren’t in a position to judge whether or not it is right or wrong. 

To all of my darling followers, I am forever thankful for all of your support and encouragement, and I am also sorry if you have, too, begun to lose your patience with these messages, but I don’t believe that they should be ignored. To my charming anons, if you don’t like what you see, you’re welcome to leave. I don’t encourage any sort of negativity here, so I’m not exactly sure what you are looking for and what you are trying to accomplish. This blog is for me, my followers, and my supporters. So let’s just agree to disagree.

Anonymous: do you answer all of your questions?

Not all, but most. If I get questions from anonymous users that I would not want to post onto my blog, I will just ignore them. If they’re from a registered user, I will answer them privately. All other questions are answered, whether on my FAQ page, directly on my blog, or in a private answer.

Some of you may appreciate my disregard for so-called ‘stupid questions’, which I also won’t dignify with answers, which fortunately isn’t all that often. 

Anonymous: how to kiss like a lady?

This is a recurring question that I’ve received and I’d like to point out to those of you who’ve asked that I’ve answered it and it’s been posted on my FAQ page. 

Anonymous: i don't understand your last post. the thing about the doormats.

I don’t believe that you should let people walk all over you. Every woman should be assertive and stand up for herself when the situation arises. Be confident and believe in yourself. In regards to the dirty shoes, there are people out there who may take advantage of others, and if you allow them to do it to you, they will.

itwillmakeyousmile: Do you realized you have two opposite rules? "When in doubt, dress up." and "When in doubt, dress modestly."

Dressing up and dressing modestly are not opposites. You can be fancy and modest. To dress up, I mean less casually/more formally. For instance, instead of jeans and a t-shirt, perhaps opt for jeans and a blouse. Modesty refers to how revealing an outfit is. 

And please don’t refer to them as rules, because that is not how I see them at all. They run more along the terms of guidelines. 

peanut-sauce: by saying "if your legs are exposed, make sure they are shaved", you are judging women for whether or not they shave.

Darling, I’m not going to argue with you over something as trivial as leg hair removal. I am not forcing anyone to do anything. No one is going to agree with or approve of 100% of my posts, and that is totally fine - I’m not going to judge anyone because their views oppose mine. I understand that everyone has different opinions, preferences, norms, etc, and I completely accept that.

Furthermore, I am a modern woman and I get lazy or busy and I find hair removal tedious and time consuming and pointless (and even expensive), and there are times when I will go out in shorts and prickly legs. I really don’t expect people to pay that much attention to something so unimportant. Therefore, I understand that every other woman will probably feel the same way at some point or other, so who would I be to judge them for that?

Finally, I am acquainted with many girls and women who do not shave (or use any other hair removal method) because it is against their culture, traditions or beliefs, and I am completely understanding and accepting of that fact. 

I’m a big girl, and I’m not going to cringe every time I see a woman with hairy legs. So no, I am not judging women for whether or not they shave. My preference for hairless skin does not automatically make me completely against women who don’t have it.

peanut-sauce: a most said something about if you're exposing your legs, make sure they are shaved.. why though? seriously, please explain to me why.

I don’t necessarily believe that one has to shave, just as it’s a man’s choice whether or not to grow his facial hair. However, as a woman living in the Western world (I don’t pretend to know anything about Eastern cultures), I would be extremely naive to think that I could go around with my legs hairy and wild and not get negative reactions from other people. Yes, I suppose that by shaving I am conforming to Western conventions, but that doesn’t always have to be a horrible thing.

Furthermore, I believe that shaving (and this counts for both men and women) makes one look more put together and careful of their appearance, and I believe that a person’s appearance is still important. 

Bottom line, hair removal in general is a woman’s prerogative and I am in no position to judge a woman for her choices. 

wefoundloveina-hopeless-place: you should definitely make a twitter. you could get these out to even more people.

I’m not exactly a big supporter of Twitter (I don’t have one of my own), but I do like this suggestion, so perhaps if there is enough support, I would be more than happy to. Thank you for your input!

Anonymous: This blog seems oddly old-fashioned. Some things are positive like having confidence, but when things are submitted like 'wear perfume' 'never give a negative opinion unless asked.' Um. We can go without perfume, men aren't asked to wear cologne, and men can give their own opinion, negative or positive. I'm a girl, I'm polite, I try to be a good person, and I care about others, but I wear jeans that are ripped in the knees, my hair doesn't always look prim and proper, and I love rough housing and climbing around in the woods. I just don't think it's right for this to be considered a full etiquette for women. Why do we need so many rules? Just be who you are.

I agree that some of the advice I give is old-fashioned, though I don’t necessarily think that’s always a bad thing. Of course I don’t expect a gentleman to stand when a woman stands, but I don’t think men are exempt from some of my advice. A lot of people have commented that some of these things don’t only apply to ladies, but to all people, and I agree. I believe that men should wear cologne just as ladies should wear perfume; I believe that men should mind their tongues. I am by no means sexist and 99% of the advice you find here I think would go either way. 

And I completely agree that we are all modern women and it shouldn’t be expected of us to all look prim and proper. I’m sure I may seem like some stuffy old woman from the looks of things, but I can assure you that I am just like any other girl my age, though maybe a little more refined (which is why I started this blog in the first place). I don’t expect everyone to follow every single detail of the advice I give, that would be ludicrous. I myself forget things from time to time. These are just reminders - to look put together when it counts, to try and say the right thing so you don’t offend someone, to be polite and civilised, to respect yourself and others. 

If you are polite and a good person, I will think far more highly  of you than any prim and polished, but rude and selfish person. 

And remember, these aren’t rules. These are reminders. I’m not telling anyone what to do or who to be. That decision falls entirely upon yourselves.

Anonymous: please elaborate on "a lady never kisses and tells"

I'm sorry, but I dont get it

I believe that a person’s personal life should be kept personal, and that means that whatever goes on between you and another should be kept private. That way, you can avoid being the subject of petty gossip, and it’s respectful of your significant other (or others). I don’t think people appreciate being talked about behind their backs (whether it’s good or bad) and they deserve better. Things like that get around and can get out of hand (and it’s best to keep an air of mystery about you, anyway).

Furthermore, in the event of an unfortunate experience (a euphemism I like to use for “hook-up”) with someone, I doubt that they would fancy you going about and blabbing about it. It’s just best to be respectful of people’s privacy and feelings. I don’t necessarily mean that everything has to be under lock and key, but just understand the line between what is appropriate and what is not.